Foisting Christmas on non-christians

“Merry Christmas,” I wished an acquaintance in the spirit of the season.

“That’s exactly right,” she replied vigorously. “It’s not season’s greetings, it’s not happy holidays, it’s Merry Christmas. And if “they” find that offensive then “they” can go back to where “they” came from.

Her response was so vociferous that I was taken aback. I had wished hundreds of people a Merry Christmas over the years, many of whom, no doubt, were non-Christians, and none had said they were offended. I said as much to this angry person but she wouldn’t be placated.

“I’m sick of it. They want to change everything.”

During a post-Christmas dinner discussion with family and friends I mentioned this incident and again was surprised at the intensity and the content of the response.

“They are eroding our traditions. We can’t even hold a Christmas Pageant in the schools anymore.”

Another guest added; “When they see what we have they all want to come here. When they get here they want to change everything.”

“They would never get away with it in the countries they left,” interjected another to a chorus of approval.

It was apparent that the “they” being referred to were new Canadians of visible minorities. “We” were Canadian born white people.

These arguments were not only illogical but also without foundation and hardly worth debate. However, I make a point of confronting anyone who makes what I consider  racially motivated  statements - even if their guests at my own dinner table.

 

Many people, I said, with Canadian born ancestors, like myself, feel religion has no place in the publicly funded school system. That’s any religion - and presenting the Nativity is a religious pageant. Play it out in your own front yard or church but not at school.

And as far as what attracts people to this country, I volunteered it was freedom to elect the government of our choice, freedom to live and move where we want, freedom of self-determination and freedom to practice the religion of your choice. I don’t see anyone wanting to change those principles.

Whether "we" could celebrate Christmas in "their" countries is missing the point. Do we want Canada to be like the countries these people left?

“Well, it was never like this before “they” came,” they grumbled.

I could tell my arguments fell on deaf ears. The underlying element here was fear - fear of change and there’s nothing logical about that.

But I maintain that the ideals that built this country are still strong and Canadians - new or old - still aspire to them. 

Yes, the face of this country may be changing but so what? Its heart and core values remain the same and that’s what’s important.

Merry Christmas.

Untouchable topics

I’m good at banter.

That’s the conversational technique of talking but really saying nothing. It involves discussing safe, generic topics, but with wit and sincerity. Controversy and opinions are avoided in place of complacency and a smug cynicism.

Not that I don’t enjoy a lively debate, but I’ve grown tired of points of view that are ill-informed and in many cases, offensive. I just don’t have the energy to defend my position or condemn others, especially at social occasions. I’ll leave that for late nights with close friends whom I respect.

So I keep it light and avoid the big four; politics, religion, abortion and immigration.

At a recent dinner party, I thought I was on safe ground when I volunteered that women seem to be more prone to accumulate possessions than men. I suggested that perhaps it was something deep in our collective subconscious where women were “gatherers”, while men were “hunters” and therefore forced to travel light.

Both men at the table heartily agreed and began to recite a litany of “junk” that their wives refused to throw out.

“Every unessential item takes time out of your life,” one male guest announced with conviction. “Even though you don’t use it you must make a mental inventory of it, considering where to store it, how to move it and so on.”

“Mind clutter,” stated the other man and they both nodded in agreement.

Their wives looked flushed and it wasn’t because of the wine. They both began calmly but emphatically to deny that they had more stuff than their husbands. It ended in shouting matches with one couple vowing to measure the square footage each was allotted in the attic, while the other duo were making lists of “worthless”  items that each other could sell at their upcoming garage sale, planned during the heat of the moment.

After an uncomfortable silence, I ventured to change the topic. Since it was the season to be shopping, I explained that I had observed that my wife and I had quite a different approach to this activity.

I usually research my purchases before I go to shop and have a pretty good idea of what I am going to buy, and how much I am prepared to pay for it before I enter the store.

On the other hand, to my wife shopping is an event - an adventure undertaken with anticipation and excitement. She may have a general idea of what she is looking for but is open to anything that might catch her eye. Shopping is a leisure activity to her, something to be enjoyed, while to me it is something to be endured.

“My wife doesn’t know what she’s shopping for until she sees it,” was the response of one of the fellows to my theory.

The other summed up his partner’s shopping habits in one word, “Compulsive.”

At this point I subtly began to move sharp instruments from the dining table and breathed a sigh of relief that we had put off serving any hot beverages.

The caustic response from one woman was that since it was her own money she spent she wondered why it was any of his business. But perhaps she should return the leather jacket she had “compulsively” bought him for Christmas.

Our other female guest recalled the time her husband went grocery shopping on his own. He spent three times what they usually budget for food and most of the non-perishable items still remain in the deep recesses of the refrigerator and at the back of top shelves of the kitchen cupboards. When he challenged her she began to list off items that were so rare as to be on the grocery endangered list.

When you’ve been married for as long as I have you recognize looks that say, “this hasn’t ended here. Just wait until we get home.” Those looks were flashing back and forth between spouses the rest of the evening.

As for me, I’ve added two more topics to the list of “untouchables” and plan to bone up on banter about the weather.

The distasteful business of self promotion

 Most the lessons I’ve learned in life are not from people who excelled, but from people who were jerks, morons, mind-numbingly boring, or teeth grinding obnoxious. I have this moment when I realize I am or have been that person. I’ve actually displayed that kind of attitude or conducted myself in that manner. Believe me, this kind of epiphany is the best behavior modification I can think of.

This brings me to the subject of self-promotion, or self-aggrandizement, defined as “an act undertaken to increase your own power and influence or to draw attention to your own importance.” For me, even the definition, sounds distasteful and a huge personal turn-off. This is probably because, as a former aspiring politician, I’ve done so much of it myself – until, you guessed it, I had one of those behavioral modifying moments.

Perhaps only second to the previously mentioned calling, we writers seem to be the most flagrant self-promoters. Indeed, we are encouraged to be. Some agents and publishers, as part of their submission process, start by asking how we personally plan to promote our work – this even before they decide whether what is being submitted has merit. Many people in the industry suggest you begin building your profile even before you’re published. Just what you would say, and who would be interested I’m sure I don’t know.

A new twist to the self-promotion game came with the launching of Harper Collins website authonomy.com. Here’s what this publishing giant has to say about their site.

The site “…invites unpublished and self published authors to post their manuscripts for visitors to read online. Authors create their own personal page on the site to host their project - and must make at least 10,000 words available for the public to read.

“Visitors to authonomy can comment on these submissions – and can personally recommend their favourites to the community. authonomy counts the number of recommendations each book receives, and uses it to rank the books on the site.

HarperCollins hopes to find new, talented writers we can sign up for our traditional book publishing programmes – we’ll be reading the most popular manuscripts each month as part of this search.”

When you upload your manuscript or wip you immediately receive requests from other authors basically saying, “if you plug mine, I’ll plug yours.” There is no caveat about it being well written or a good story, or requests for suggestions on how to improve the work. The emphasis is on self-promotion and networking not good writing with these ambitious wannabes hoping to secure enough recommendations to get their work before the decision makers at HC. The assumption appears to be that HC will be so impressed with their self-promotion skills that they will over look the fact that the work is crap.

Frightening, but maybe they’re right.

I think the importance of self-promotion is blown way out of proportion. Contributing to blogs, managing Facebook and Twitter, uploading stuff onto U-Tube and MySpace, keeping a website up-to-date and sending out that newsletter takes time. Time that might be better spent, well, writing, since that’s what it’s really all about.

Beyond putting you’re work out there, self-promotion is only marginally effective, in my opinion, because it lacks a most important ingredient – credibility. However, an unsolicited* endorsement has the sincerity that can generate a word of mouth ground swell that spreads exponentially. I believe that a worthwhile story told by a good writer can do this, and will ultimately prevail over all the hi-tech gimmicks and new age marketing chicanery.

Naïve? Unspohisticated? Old-fashioned? Out-of-touch with reality? Maybe, probably, but

I’ve learned the hard way that, indeed, you can fool some of the people all of the time, but in the end the merit and true value of what you’re doing becomes apparent to almost everyone (except maybe yourself), and what you’ve sacrificed blowing your own horn is dignity, self-esteem and character.

Perhaps a certain amount of self-promoting has to be done but surely it can be done graciously and with humility. As we build confidence in our ability and our work, hopefully the need to applaud one-self in public will diminish. If not, we’ll be the ones avoided at social gatherings.

As Emerson said; ‘A little integrity is better than any career.’

Unsolicited as in without conflict of interest. Anyone that stands to gain either personally or financially in supporting your writing is suspect including; your publisher, agent, publicist, spouse, friends, family, etc.  

If it don't sell, it ain't good

One of my images from my current show
that "ain't good".

If it don’t sell, it ain’t good.

Creativity is subjective. “I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like” – could be applied to a Bateman masterpiece or a black velvet reproduction from Wallmart. This overused adage also applies to literature. It’s an excuse for a multitude of sins including a distinct lack of artistic ability as well as just plain bad taste.

So how does one decide whether their creation has any artistic merit? For me, if it don’t sell, it ain’t good.

Of course I to put it out there. I’ve offered my photographs to the public through various venues including retail stores, websites, flea markets, Craig’s List (you name it – I’ve tried it).  My writing’s been sent off to agents, publishers, magazines, newspapers as well as posting it on various websites.

Then I wait.

How long I wait depends on how patient or delusional I am, or both, at any given time. If nothing happens I eventually give up, withdraw, and move on – hopefully to improve. I use to call it a “learning experience”, but now I understand that phrase as a euphemism for failure.

I’ve rationalize my lack of success with all manner of excuses – I’m ahead of my time; misunderstood; not commercial enough (a good thing?); the economy is in the dumps; the weather was rotten; the stars were misaligned; or, like Van Gogh, who only sold one painting in his entire life, my genius will be appreciated once I’m gone.

Six new photographs of mine were recently shown at The Metro Theatre Lounge Gallery. Theatre-goers could view my work prior to the show and at intermission for the entire run of seventeen performances. The Metro is a good venue. People that attend are inclined to the arts and have the time to take a look, unlike a coffee bar gallery where all you want is to get your latte and leave. The box office for that production was 1621 and I would imagine at least 1,000 patrons visited the lounge at least once.

There were no sales, nor any enquiries regarding my photographs. According to my own philosophy, there’s only one conclusion.

The reason I take this uncompromising approach to my work is so I’ll continue to strive to improve. When I look at my first public offerings, in either photography or writing, they were so awful I cringe even now as I think about them. Had I continued to assign any of the above excuses to the lack of response to these works I wouldn’t have attained what little success I have.

I’m still determined to create something good enough to overcome all the obstacles – real or imagined. What I lack in creativity I hope to make up in part with perseverance and the ability to learn from past mistakes and failures. There’s no shortage to draw from.

Until then, I can appreciate (and marvel at) the success of others while I keep honing my craft and perfecting my eye. It’s not about money. It’s about recognition and respect from my contemporaries, and a sense of achievement for myself.

Nietzsche said, “Art is the proper task of life…”,  and that may very well be the case, whether it sells or not.

An agent by any other name

For most of my working life I’ve been a salesman.

I may have had different titles but I was a salesman – and a good one.

I sold advertising for newspapers, then for my own.

Even when I assumed the title publisher and editor I kept an active client list. My most valued employees were my sales staff.

Eventually, like everything else you enjoy but do too often, the thrill of the sale became not exciting as it once was. It was time to move on. Fortunately, I’d sold enough.

What has this got do with finding an agent for my novels?

An agent by any other name is a salesperson.

I know they vaunt themselves as the key to your success as a writer, the gatekeeper to all the fame that will come once you’re published, the oracle that guards all the secrets to the nether world of the publishing industry, but they’re salespeople.

The only reason they have such power and esteem is that we authors give it to them. They are only as good as the product they’re selling. Which means even a good agent can’t sell a bad book. The opposite is probably true as well, but the emphasis is on the product, not the salesperson. In other words, you, the writer, the creator of the product, hold the key to success. Agents are the conduit.

So what do agents offer as their qualifications to rep my book? What do they include in their resumé, their curriculum vitae?

Some tell you they love books and are prolific readers.

Most people I know have read a lot of ads but that didn’t mean they could sell advertising.

Some have written books.

Why are they agents?

Some have a successful, clever blog.

What has this got to do with anything except self-aggrandizement? I’m thinking the time they spend promoting themselves might be better spent promoting their clients.

Some tell you how to write. 

I never, never, ever (to infinity) told a client how to run their business no matter how dumb they were.  It just pissed them off and was the kiss of death for closing the deal.

Some have degrees in English Literature, Creative Writing, blah, blah, blah.

So you’re educated? I sold to businesses but I didn’t have, nor did I need an MBA. Selling is gritty stuff. You don't learn that in academia.

If an agent is a salesperson by any other name than shouldn’t the qualities of a good agent be the same as those of a good salesman?

What qualities did I look for when hiring sales staff? What qualities do I have that made me a successful salesman?

I made more calls.

The success of salespeople is directly related to the number of calls they make. The more you make the greater the success. I made more calls.

I was self-motivated. 

I didn’t need to be prodded, pushed, pumped or primed. Hour after hour, day after day, month after year I was up for the job.

I was hungry.

For money, recognition, success, self-esteem. I was/am never satisfied, never complacent.

I sold smart.

I had knowledge of the market, the industry, the needs of my clients.

The one ingredient that put me over the top, the one that is intangible and can’t be taught is the ability to make people like you. If you’ve got this you can forget the rest. If the client won’t take your call all the motivation, hunger and smarts aren’t worth bugger all. I can make people like me, though these days I’m less and less inclined to.

Wouldn’t you know, it’s all about relationships – again.

So that’s it. The agent I’m looking for is self-motivated, hungry, smart, and has consummate people skills. He or she should also be looking to take on a new author with a dubious track record.

Any takers?

Rod Raglin is the author of three e-published books in the past year. Visit his website at www.rodraglin.com

Writers teaching other writers how to write

In less than a half a minute, my Google search engines provides me with the following:

How to write a query letter to a publisher – 139,000 results

How to pitch an editor – 8,500,000 results

How to write fiction – 48,900,000 results

Ever wonder why so many writers are so keen to teach others how to write?

Is it that writing somehow elevates the human spirit and elucidates the masses about esoteric concepts and endeavors?

Well, yes. That and money.

Here’s a few sobering statistics provided by the Writer’s Union of Canada:

- The average writer in Canada makes $12,000 (that's all kinds of writing, not just fiction).

- The average book in Canada sells 400 copies.

- In Canada, a bestseller is 5000 copies.

I’m not even going to attempt the math, but suffice to say that the royalties for a best selling author in Canada would make his income below the poverty level – significantly.

The e-publishing industry is even more dismal. New Concepts Publishing, an e-publisher, has the courage to head up the submissions page of their website with the following royalty information from their stable of authors:

Science Fiction/Futuristic range: $127.89--$8455.46

Paranormal range: $78.00--$5673.50

Contemporary range: $55.18--$7913.78

Historical range: $75.16--$3863.12

Romantic Suspense range: $124.24--$1977.20

Fantasy range: $44.00--$4774.80

Average payout over the three year contract period $450.00

How many hours did I put in writing my two e-published novels? My wife could probably tell you, but there’s no question my hourly wage would be well below the minimum, probably closer to that of an itinerant laborer in a destitute third world country.

I’ve always believed, somewhat cynically I must admit, that those who can – do; and those who – can’t; teach- give seminars, workshops, online courses, etc.  In light of this information I’m rethinking this. Poverty is a mighty motivator and who am I to judge other writers, most that are more skilled at the craft than myself?

Where am I going with this, other than the poorhouse?

Recently I had the opportunity to pitch my latest manuscript to an editor at a conference. Having been a sales person all my adult life it seemed to me nothing more than a cold call, of which I’ve made countless thousands.

However, my writing group loop was filled with anxious missives about what to say, how to say it, and how to present it.  Was there more to this than being personable, knowing your product, and presenting it in a way to benefit the buyer? I decided to look at a few of the 8,500,000 results from my Google search.

Here’s some of the invaluable information I gleaned (actual quotes) from a few of these sites:

- neatness counts when making first impressions... set the example by presenting a professional appearance. And leave the chewing gum, snacks, and cigarettes behind.

- remember, you must first believe in yourself and your work before you can persuade others to believe in it. Be proud of your writing.

- exude self-assurance, but not arrogance. It's okay to convey enthusiasm, but temper your zeal with a patina of humility.

- pretend this is someone you've met at a party. Offer a personable handshake and some small talk to start things off in a relaxed manner. You'll then find it easy to segue into the business at hand.

- take a couple of calming breaths before you go in, smile, and be yourself.

If you don’t think this is ridiculous and self-evident than consider the opposite. Would you go into an interview a mess, chewing gum, giving attitude and being rude? Maybe in highschool.

What does this say to me about the writing industry – or more specifically about the industry of advising, teaching and coaching aspiring writers – the conferences, the workshops, the online courses? I was further dismayed when I took in the conferences keynote address delivered by a best-selling, making-the-circuit author.  She focused on Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers – basically that practice, a lot of it, makes perfect. No insights, no anecdotes, no secrets, not even any gossip.

I’m inclined to say that it’s all bogus. A self-serving undertaking capitalizing on the zeal and inexperience of those that dream of becoming writers.

Unfortunately, the best advice I’ve received about my writing comes from other writers, from  discussions with them and reading their how-to books.

It’s a conundrum.

So before seeing the editor (remember the editor?) I’m not taking any chances. I spit out my gum, slick back my cowlick, park my ego, take a few deep breaths, smile and introduce myself just like I would if I was meeting someone at a party. 

Seven minutes later I’m out the door.  He doesn’t ask to see my manuscript.